Expecto patronum

As I sit at the airport writing this on on my new red iPod (product), I ask what's happiness. Are you really happy? What's your happiest moment? Can you perform a patronus? Sounds funny but It got me thinking the other day, a patronus (for those who don't know, it's a spell from Harry Potter) feeds of something powerful inside of you. Your happiest memory, how many of us have those? Do they exist, if they do please let me know. I've been searching for mine deep inside my subconscious and all that did was dig up more questions. I'm in search of happy right now, I've forgotten what it is or maybe I was never truly happy. These are the thoughts messing with me right now. I said I was going to blog again but didn't expect it to be this dark. I understand hope and other things but I don't get happy, how can I get me some. I want to laugh because I have a genuine feeling backing it up. I don't want temporary fixes any more, I want the real thing. I promise you one thing, I'm going to find out what happy is and share it with everyone, because if the people are happy they can start to come alive.